Protecting Children from Emotional Harm in Family Law Disputes
Family law disputes are inherently stressful, not just for the adults involved, but for the children caught in the middle. While much attention is given to physical safety, one of the more subtle and profound risks is the emotional and psychological impact on children when they are drawn into parental conflicts.
The recent case of Sevinc & Ikram [2025] FedCFamC2F 961 offers a striking example. The Court was asked to review an interim parenting order concerning a 10-year-old child. The child had previously lived with his Father, but an interim order placed him with his Mother. The Father sought a Review, raising concerns about family violence and requesting that the child be returned to him.
In considering the Review, Judge Harland observed that the greatest and most immediate risk was not physical but emotional: the child was being placed under pressure by both parents and experiencing conflicting loyalties, leaving him anxious and unsettled.
Several pieces of evidence illustrated the child’s distress:
He confided in his school counsellor, worried about what the counsellor might disclose to his parents.
He shared with the Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) his concerns about the Court’s expectations.
Both parents had contacted the child’s school principal about the dispute. In response, the Court issued an injunction preventing further unilateral communications, noting that school often provides a safe, neutral space for children during parental separation.
The child consistently expressed a desire to live with his Father and confusion about why he could not see him, signalling his distress and need for stability.
Events such as unannounced parental visits to school and police involvement at the Mother’s home compounded his sense of insecurity.
Judge Harland emphasized the importance of shielding children from conflict, observing that such experiences can erode trust and leave children feeling uncertain and anxious: “He may not be trusting of her and be worried that she might suddenly take him away again.”
In making the interim order, the Court also directed that the ICL speak with the child about the decision and provide him with a personal letter from the Judge, explaining the decision in child-friendly terms. While uncommon, such letters, also seen in cases like Lavigne & Gavin (No 2) [2024] FedCFamC2F 737 - demonstrate the Court’s care for children’s emotional wellbeing and the importance of acknowledging their experience.
For family lawyers, this case is a poignant reminder of our role in protecting children from harm:
Children must not be drawn into disputes between their parents.
Children should not overhear legal discussions or be present at lawyer meetings.
Schools and other safe spaces should remain free from parental conflict.
Sevinc & Ikram reminds us that beyond legal strategy, our practice must always consider the child’s emotional world. Providing guidance to clients on how to safeguard their children—and advocating for their voices to be heard safely—is as vital as any legal argument we make.
Resources are available through the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia to help children prepare for meetings with Family Consultants, ensuring they can participate without being burdened by the dispute.
Note: The full letter written by Judge Harland to the child is included below (anonymised). This letter provides valuable insight into how the Court communicates directly with children and the care taken to support their emotional wellbeing.
Dear X,
My name is Judge Harland. Your parents have asked the court for help to work out the best living arrangements for you and I have been asked to make a decision about what happens for now. I have thought a lot about you when making this decision.
When parents decide to end their relationship, it can be really hard for everyone. There isn’t just one reason parents separate, and it isn’t anyone’s fault. Nothing you said or did caused it. You may have a lot of big feelings about your parents’ separation and you might express them in different ways. It can be a sad and confusing time, sometimes people might also feel angry. Everyone in the family might feel differently about it and that is alright.
I think the separation has been hard for you and your parents. At times your parents have put you in the middle of their disagreement which isn’t fair on you. They have also involved your school.
I think both your mum and dad have felt hurt and have not thought about how hard it is for you when they involve you and your school in their disagreement. Hopefully this will stop now.
I know you have talked to a lot of people and have told a lot of people you want to stay with
your dad. You have talked with a few counsellors and I have read notes from them. You told
your school counsellor you are worried about the expectations the court has of you. You don’t
need to worry about that. The court expects your mum and dad to think about how they can
support you better. You should be able to focus on school and the people and things that are
important to you and make you happy.
Your mum and dad and your lawyer agree that it would be good for you to talk to a counsellor who won’t tell your parents or your lawyer what you talk about. This means you can talk about things you need to talk about without worrying about anything else.
I have decided that for now you should stay with your dad most of the time but spend some more time with your mum. You will still stay with mum every second weekend but will stay with mum until Monday morning so she can take you to school. You will also stay overnight with your mum every second Wednesday instead of spending only a few hours with her. During school holidays you will spend a week with each of your parents.
Court cases can take a long time which can be hard for everyone. I am glad that your lawyer has been explaining things to you and asking what you want. Her job is to tell the court what she thinks is best for you and to help your mum and dad agree on the best arrangements for you long term.
In a while you might be asked to see someone from the court so they can get to know you and what it is like to be you in your family at this time. They will also meet with your mum and dad to talk about your family and find out more about you. This will help the court decide what living arrangements will be best for you into the future.
X, I want you to know that you are not responsible for your mum and dad breaking up or what happens next for everyone. Your parents love you so much and want what is best for you.
I have made this decision, not your mum or dad. While it is important for me to know what you think about things, please know you are not responsible for the decisions being made. I hope things get easier and that you have fun swimming and doing jujitsu.
Judge Harland